Ive agonised over writing and sending this letter to you, some said send it and others said don’t but you know me, ill do what i want anyway! its a letter i would love to receive and words i would love to have written about me so it would be a waste if you never got to read it
Let me say before you read it its not an ‘i love you, i want you back’ its a ‘you were a game changer, thanks for everything, my life and loves will never be the same’ kinda letter.
i also hope that if you do respond it wont be a cold ‘I’m a big boy, I’ve been totally sweet since you left’ response. i do hope you can still share your vulnerability and humility with me because its only us. Don’t feel that you have to respond either, I just know I need to send this for me to finally shut the door
as of recently all the ties have been cut so we are now officially perfect strangers
I knew this would be rough but I never thought it would be quite this bad! thats in reference to both the whole year without you and now having no reason to retain a connection with you
There are so many things left unsaid and so many opinions I didnt get to hear!On one hand I’ve done everything to separate myself from you and have kept contact to an absolute minimum so this was clean cut for both of us yet somehow I still can’t delete the photos of you off my phone…. I dont even look at them but there’s an odd comfort in just knowing they are there! proof that at some point we did actually exist as a couple! At times it felt like i wasnt supposed to cut ties with you because fate was working in wonderful ways like one day i would split our phone bill and the next day id bump into someone from your band, I realise this makes me sound like a nutjob but honestly stupid events like this happened time and time again, I was being tested to the max
Just over a year ago I Thought i was on track for marriage, mortgage and babies and now I couldn’t be further from that, its almost like I couldn’t have it with you so i feel no one else will be good enough, therefore theres no point desiring it at all! There’s soo much I miss about u especially how stupid u look when u whistle and I wonder what things are like now, how big is lexi, is neiler still as handsome, i miss giving him his wake up calls and just generally torturing him , do dad and Kim ever talk/ask about me?
I loved the comfort of walking into their house as if it was home. I miss the contentness of us, it was all so easy!
Now there’s a whole getting to know someone, the effort is too great and the reward is just too little!
Although I’ve had plenty of moments of utter despair and crying on my granny’s kitchen floor( this did actually happen) I’ve been forced to find, make and see what makes me truely happy. Iknow for sure if you met me now I wouldn’t be the person you remember but still ud be proud! Like this year I took part in the marathon and drove to From cairnryan to kinross with no sat nav. Im feeling pretty fearless!
I treasure my friends, they are number one priority, my days are packed and I’ve spent more time outside uk this year than in it!’ve got my friends and lifestyle, I’m not ready for love yet nor am I seeking it but I can’t wait for the right person to come and fill that void. I may have to settle for some non redhead babies As there aren’t enough gingers in the world to give me my redheads babies
I know that you have her now, and that’s all I know about her, purely that she’s exists… I know no name or age etc and I’m so glad about that! If I knew anything else I’d probably want to seek her out just to make my own comparisons haha guess who sounds like the crazy ex?!? Not crazy, It’s just human nature! I really hope you’re relationship is more of a compromise than ours was because I know you’ll never admit it but trust me you got away with murder, I was just what I thought u wanted me to be, and just let you do your own thing, head off to band football lodge then just see me when you had a free night, never again will I take that and you should never again take someone for granted like that!
When I told you I wanted out and we agreed that we were done I never imagined that that was the last time we would have a proper conversation or the last time you would say I love you! I never regret the decision, because I know for sure that separately we are growing soo much more than we ever would together but still, I doubt ill ever find love like yours again.
I really don’t know where the need for this letter cane from i suppose this feels like the proper goodbye now that everything is seperated…. I also don’t think you realise how much I love you, I will forever! You dont just leave someone after four years and get away scot free, i think of you all the time
It’s funny because now when I think if our relationship I can only remember the good and the love so I will always speak fondly of you
We are my greatest disappointment but I’m still so grateful that i had you even if it wasn’t for always!
I hope you’re happy and that life is super duper kind to you because you deserve the very best! We may not have been perfect for each other but you are a pretty perfect little being!
If at any point you see me out and about or just fancy seeing how I am…. Always approach, I will forever have time for you
Love and miss you x
rainbows, butterflies, unicorns and fairy dust